Feeling Purple

Does anyone else have a hard time coming out of their comfort zone when it comes to makeup? Sometimes I’d rather eat a banana (gross!) than try a new product. My mind sprints through this exact process: “What if I put it on and it’s just like those online beauty scams and melts my face off? What if I can’t pull it off? What if it never comes off? Will I actually wear it? What if it’s not as good as the stuff I have now?” 

And the list goes on.

If you want to stay in your beauty product comfort zone, then don’t go to Ulta or Sephora. Last time I went to Ulta I was pushed out of my zone to try NYX products. I’M OBSESSED. I love their products and they are extremely affordable! I had never tried their lip sticks before, but their unique vibrant shades caught my eye…I just happened to look down at a trio of liquid suede lipsticks. They were so bright and so not me!! There was a light purple, light pink, and a sexy dark purple. I mean I could wear the pink because that is my go to color  but purple? I sat there with the box in hand and weighed out the pros and cons. The final factor in my decision was the price. Three of these tubes for $7!? Heck yes!

I took those tubes home and tried them all on one by one. The pink one I would definitely wear, but then I sat there and stared at the purple ones. What would I even wear with these? I slapped on the dark one and was pleasantly surprised! Then I painted on the light purple lipstick. Oh. My. Goodness. I fell in love. With a shade of lipstick. (Judge me!) I couldn’t care less of what everyone else thinks about it (which is a first for me) I’m going to wear this lipstick with pride!




Dating is Hard

It’s hard flipping through endless profiles trying to avoid the tools and the guys who want you to meet their mother within the first 3 dates.

It’s hard trying to find the perfect outfit that makes me forget about all of my physical and emotional flaws so maybe he’ll want to see me again.

Trying to find someone who is good and doesn’t care about my flaws is extremely hard. And when I do find that someone-they either end up ghosting me or telling me why I’m not good enough for them. So I was wrong about them in the first place.

I’ve been dating this amazing guy for the past month; he’s everything I’ve ever wanted. We met on Tinder and we’ve spent everyday together since we first met. I was hoping there would be no catch–guess who was wrong!? THIS GIRL. Turns out his job is sending him to a completely different state. I knew there was no way that this would end up going the way I wanted it to.

Until he said that he wanted to make this work. As in long distance. First of all- I’ve never had a guy want to do long distance. Second of all- long distance is hard. As. Fuck. We’ve both done long distance before and both of us have ended up putting in all the effort to make it work. I keep telling myself that this time will be different, but I have so many doubts and fears. 

It’s hard to want to try when you’re afraid of what might happen, which sounds ridiculous because I can’t control the future. He’s not walking away from us. It kind of freaks me out; I’m so used to being dropped. Maybe this time will be different.

It might be hard, but I’ll never know until I try, right? 

(Picture from http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OAdv9_QnSBM

Am I Being too Picky?

Hello Lovelies!!

It’s Friday! I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend!

So I’m looking for some dating advice- I feel like I’m becoming kind of shallow…but in a different sense. I joined OKCupid last week and I actually really like it despite all of the reviews it has received. My sister-in-law met my brother on there so I thought I’d give it a shot!

In order to find matches, you answer a series of questions that will appear on your profile to see if others will be a good match for you. It will tell you how compatible you are with someone out of 100% and it will show you what categories both of you have the same answers in. You can match with others by simply going down the page and starring the ones you like, or by swiping right on the quick match feature. But you can still message others if you don’t match or like their profile.

So this guy messaged me and I honestly get super busy and forget to check my notifications. I left my computer for like an hour or so and he had left me 10 messages…He seemed nice in the first one, but since I didn’t respond he became pretty vulgar. He was saying I was a bitch for not responding and giving him a chance. I looked at his profile and he’s not really my type. Not to mention he lives like 3 hours away! Yikes! But anyhoodles, I like big guys; not muscular but with some extra cushion if ya know what I’m sayin. Not that there’s anything wrong with his body type, I’m just not attracted to thinner men.

Am I being shallow for only sticking to the types of men I like? Should I be giving other body types a chance?

(Image from heroicmag.com)


Women aren’t the only ones experiencing body shaming in our society. Men probably experience it just as much as we do. Men are given this weird expectation that they have to have bulging biceps, a 50 pack of abs, and lean legs. The “bro” image. I mean sure, if you work hard to make your body look like that good for you! But not everyone has to look like that. Curvy girl models are finally being recognized and there is a push for a body positive movement. That’s awesome- I feel like I can actual be a part of society and not feel like everyone hates me because I don’t look like a runway model- but why not give our guys some positivity too? Why don’t we ever see plus sized male models in the spotlight? Guys shouldn’t have to feel like they owe it to the world to change their body and conform with everyone else.


Can we just take a moment to appreciate plus sized male models?


Riccardo Onorato (picture from http://www.2w2m.it/news-press/total-denim)





Troy Solomon (Picture from http://www.corriere.it)



Dexter Mayfield (Picture from http://www.aboutthatcurvylife.com)


Men: Learn to love and embrace your bodies- because you’re all wonderful human beings and you don’t need to be chiseled or look like an underwear model.  Be real. Be you.







Curvy Girls Can’t

I FINALLY worked up the confidence to wear my favorite skirt again, and by finally I mean like 2 years later. I paired my skirt with a denim top and some cute booties; I felt so fierce in my striped body con skirt- nothing could stop me. Well…except one thing…a blog or website dedicated to bashing the “plus sized” community. (Sadly there are an abundance of these)

I was sitting a few tables over from these women who were laughing at “things plus sized women shouldn’t wear.” They were reading off this list of things bigger women shouldn’t wear. “Well duh of course they can’t wear that.” Why. Why is this a thing? (Yes I know eavesdropping isn’t okay, but they were super loud!) Guess what two things were on there? Body con skirts and stripes. The two things I just happened to be wearing. I started rethinking my bold decision, but ya know what? Fuck them.

If you feel like a goddess in whatever you’re wearing, keep rocking that outfit. Live in it. You wanna wear that sheer top? Go for it. How about that crop top? WHAT. You want to wear some patterns?? Why the L not? You want to show off some skin? How about some curves? I dare you. Do it. Don’t stop wearing things because someone else wants you to. Let’s turn “curvy can’t” to “curvy fuckin’ will.”


Being Ghosted

I’ve always imagined what my perfect relationship would be like: my dream guy  and I would be inseparable. We would be able to be completely comfortable and goofy around each other, but also have the capability to hold deep conversations. We would be nonstop cute and flirty. Our dates would be simple yet fun: finding new places for food or coffee, watching a movie/bumming around together, or having outdoorsy adventures. A few months ago I finally found it; my perfect relationship.

My friends always ridicule me for using Tinder, but eh I keep going back to it anyways. I started talking to this guy who lived in my hometown. He seemed to be everything I dreamed of and more, but what was the catch here? Was there one? We met after a few weeks of talking and he just stole my heart. He was perfect and I wanted him all to myself. Everything continued to go so well. I also shared so many things about my life that I’ve never shared with any of my past boyfriends. I felt so comfortable…I felt so…in love.

I could see a future with this guy, but what I didn’t see coming was his ghosting. There was a full week of short one word answers from him over text. So I figured, okay he’s really busy with work, school, and his organizations. Then another week went by where I could barely get him to answer me. Another week went by where he would reply sometimes and then just ignore my texts. I tried talking to him again and he said I was bothering him. I gave him some space-which was a mistake because two weeks went by and I got absolutely nothing from him.

It’s been three weeks since he’s spoken to me, and my friends have finally convinced me to forget about it. I just don’t get why people become so intimate and attached to someone and then they stop talking to you without warning or reason. The term “ghosting” just baffles me. I understand the concept I just cannot for the life of me comprehend why this has to happen. Am I so repulsive that he can’t tell me to my face that he doesn’t want to be with me? I’ll never know why I was ghosted. I know-the relationship was only a little over 2 months long, but it still really hurts to go through this phantom experience. There are so many questions I have, and all I want is some closure. I would much rather be broken up with face to face or over the phone than go through this again.

Have you ever been ghosted? What was your experience like?


Three Words.

I. Love. You. Three words that change your relationship.

I. Love. you. Three words that confuse me.

You tell me you love me, yet you beat me down with your words. “Your opinion doesn’t matter, how stupid can you be? You wanna keep talkin’ then maybe I should leave. No one cares about your problems; don’t even ask me to help you solve them.”

You tell me I’m perfect, yet you point out my flaws. “You can’t gain weight-trust me I’ll leave- It’s only fate. I don’t like the way you dress. Your hair is always a mess. You’re too loud. You’re a pussy. You’re a pansy. You won’t put out…then maybe you should get out.”

You tell me I’m beautiful, but you shove pictures of model after model in my face and complain because I don’t look like them.

You say you’ll support me through anything, but you’re still mad at me for going to school. Instead you want me to stay home with babies cleaning up their drool. You don’t want me to have a life, yet you want me to be your wife. See it’s funny because I’d rather kill myself with this knife.

I was no where near ready when you sighed and pressured me into it. You didn’t even care that I cried when you were through with it. Yet you tell me you love me…

You tell me you love me, yet here I sit spilling my guts to someone with a clipboard and pills thinking I’m crazy because I want to cut.

You do all of these things that I know are wrong, but something inside is forcing me to say these three words…

I. Love. You.

I’m Losin’ it.

Let me tell you…this year has been such a shit show. After finally ending an abusive relationship, I dropped out of school and laid in bed for two months. Two months I laid there listening to the monsters in my head try to convince me that I’m better off dead. My family doesn’t understand depression, so they left me alone to do my thing. Which was a good and bad idea. I had many thoughts and strategies as to how I could possibly end my life that I thought was going no where.

The first few weeks I just laid there. My Dad made fun of me for “being lazy” because he doesn’t believe depression is a real thing and refuses to acknowledge that there is something wrong with his daughter. I made an effort to watch TV with the family so he would leave me alone. We watched the show “My 600 Pound Life” and holy shit was that a game changer. This man named Joe struggled with his weight and depression when one day he had a wake up call that would change his life. “I’m not going to let them bury me,” is my favorite quote of his. He started changing his lifestyle; he exercised, ate way healthier than ever, received the okay to have a gastric bypass surgery, started dating this girl (from Iowa yay!!), and now he’s married. This man has lost over 400 pounds and is now my inspiration. I wanted to be like Joe; I wanted to be successful.

The following day something just clicked, changed. I put on my favorite workout leggings, tennis shoes, headband, and walked out the front door. I walked the countryside for about 5 miles and plopped down in someone’s field. I stared in awe at the natural landscape and the farms- it was all just so beautiful to me. I sat there for a few hours- I even found myself smiling. I loved the feeling of being so free by simply walking and staring at the sky, so I made this an every day activity. I still came home and laid in bed for the rest of the day, but it was definitely a start. When I started my summer job I walked a few miles everyday and started to eat healthier. It’s now September and since the beginning of the summer I’ve lost 40 pounds and I couldn’t be happier. Thank you Joe for being an incredible human and inspiration.





Farmer Appreciation

Sorry this is a very random post…

So I live in the country and everyday I take a long walk on the back roads by my home. Today as I was walking all I could see were gorgeous fields and trees for miles. There was another thing I saw as I came closer and closer to the ditches. Trash. Trash was everywhere. What possesses someone to throw their crap into someone else’s property? Are they really that lazy?

I can’t imagine what these farmers are thinking when they see all this crap in their fields. This is really weird, but I actually commend farmers. I don’t know how they do what they do. I know I can’t grow anything to save my life; my cactus plant died for crying out loud. I know for a damn fact I couldn’t feed thousands of people. Most of these farmers out here probably aren’t contracted with any big box companies to sell their products, but they’re still growing food for other people. So why trash a field housing crops that feed your community? Your nation? Your world?

If there’s anything valuable I’ve learned in the restaurant business it’s that you shouldn’t mess with the people who handle your food.


Yes, I am a big girl with big calves. Sometimes it’s kind of hard to accept the fact that I can’t fit into or pull off clothes that all the skinny girls wear. I have a shopping problem; I LOVE CLOTHES. Especially shoes. Holy cow shoes are my favorite. But when it comes to buying boots, it can be kind of a downer.

Sooo I’m a size 8 in shoes,but when it comes to boot buying that’s a whole different ball game. My calves don’t always allow me to fit into the knee high boots that are all the rage, so sometimes I have to go up a size just to fit into them all the way. Then that turns into me tripping over my own feet because my shoes are too big. (Duh captain obvious!)

I always get discouraged and give up on boots and move on to something else. This sounds completely insane right? Am I really being extremely self conscious over a pair of boots? You’re right it sounds insane- until it hits you that you can’t fit into a pair of shoes because of your calves. Then the whole over-thinking -my-body-image thing comes back to haunt me again. I’m NOT saying that girls with big calves aren’t absolutely gorgeous, but when I see “wide calf fit” and they fit me, that doesn’t make me feel very good about myself. Ya know?

One day I went to go pull a box of shoes off a shelf and another one proceeded to hit me in the face. After cursing at the box I became curious…sitting in that box was the cutest, dreamiest pair of boots I’ve ever seen!! But there was a catch…they were wide calf boots…Do I dare try them on?

I took a second and set aside my weird obsession with hating anything associated with the word “wide,” because these were seriously the cutest things I’ve ever seen! I tried them on!! *GASP* These boots fit incredibly well and they were my size AND they go with everything!! I pranced around the store for a solid 20 minutes before an associate asked if I was going to buy them…whoops! I bought them of course…but it’s amazing how good a pair of boots make me feel about myself even if they are a wide calf fit.

I’m not saying that you should develop an unhealthy obsession with clothes and buy things that make you feel better about yourself, but you should feel good in the things you wear and not feel ashamed of the size or label that shows up on your clothes. If you buy a shirt that is a 2x or maybe a pair of jeans that are an 18 curvy fit who cares? If you shop in the plus sized section, who cares?  As long as you feel beautiful and amazing in the things you wear, that’s all that really matters.